Monday, September 23, 2013

The Pearly Gates of Grandmother Hell

When my oldest son, Colin, was 2, he used to spend one day a week with my mom.  They used to go on grand adventures together while I stayed at home and tried to maintain my sanity.  

One day after visiting a local petting zoo, Colin convinced his Nina to take him to Burger King for lunch.  The sun was shining and this particular Burger King had an outside play place with huge tunnels.  

After they ate their gourmet lunch, Colin decided it was time to go play, which led to a little bit of a problem.  Colin wanted to play in the tunnels, but he was to scared to play in them by himself.  My mother was an amazing woman who was always up for an adventure, but even she had her limits.  She had absolutely no desire to spend anytime crawling around in Burger King's nasty play place tunnels in the 100 degree summer heat.  She also didn't want to hurt Colin's feelings, so she started desperately trying to come up with a plausible excuse that would get her out of Grandmother hell.  

While she was trying to formulate her excuse, a group of what she described as "scary looking thugs," came outside to eat their lunch by the play place.  Mom breathed a sigh of relief because God had just given her a solution to her predicament.  She leaned over and discreetly whispered in Colin's ear, "Honey, I can't play in the tunnels with you right now because someone might steal my purse."  She patted herself on the back because Colin just smiled and said, "Okay Nina."  He got up, and she thought he was going to go play in the tunnels by himself.  Nope.  He had a plan too.  It's important to point out that at two Colin spoke in perfect English.  There was never any doubt about what he was saying, so Mom had no doubt the thugs understood his every word when he walked over to their table, yelled to get their attention, and said, "My Nina really wants to play in the play place with me, but she can't because she's afraid you guys are going to steal her purse.  So don't steal her purse, so she can come play with me."  Then he walked back over to her, held out his little hand, and she had no choice but to follow him into the pearly gates of Grandmother hell.


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